My Most Trusted
by kasviel
Summary: Oneshot look into the greyness of Severus Snape's character. It dates back to the night where he reentered Voldemort's service Book 4 and shows how expertly he plays both sides. Slash is implied, but story is clean. Kind of a tribute to the coolest double


**Author's Notes: **This is a one-shot story I wrote kind of to show how grey Snape's character really is, how double-sided. Since we kind of still don't know where his true loyalties lie (as of Book 6), I thought it would be fun to explore his two sides. This story shows how he plays both sides convincingly and never lets on who his "true master" is. It's also my take on the night he returned to the reborn Voldemort (Book 4) and his relationships with Lucius, Dumbledore, and the Dark Lord. Slash is kind of implied, but this story is not about sex at all, and it's clean. I enjoyed it, really did; I adore writing for Snape more than any other character in any of my fan fictions! And when he's being vague and sneaky, he's at his best. The story is only this one chapter, sorry, and I don't want to start a debate on whether Snape is good or evil, coz even I have no clue still > 

**My Most Trusted**

There was a shadow upon Hogwarts that night, laying over the ancient castle not because of the clouds over the moon or the light summer wind swaying the treets, but because the night had been marked by death. By now, the screams had died down, the tears had been all but dried, but there remained an ominousity about the stillness of what should have been a beautiful night. Somewhere, a mother was crying for her son. Somewhere, a father was trying to comfort her while his own heart was breaking. Everywhere there were whispers of tragedy and horror.

Even in the heart of the Forbidden Forest, the heavy air of terror could be felt. There were no murmurs or tears, but it was as potent as the castle itself. Death lingered in the wake of the rebirth, and anyone in the magicking world could feel it. Even here in the forest, shrouded in shadow and secrecy, Severus Snape could not stop his hand from trembling.

As he swept through the forest, leaving behind the protection of Hogwarts, the man's face was hard, every line in it etched with fear. His sallow skin had paled until it was a sickening milky tone. His thin lips were pressed together in a line beneath his narrowed black eyes. And through his mind echoed that frightening mantra of disbelief: _Master has returned. My Master is alive, and he may be the end of me tonight. Master has returned, my Master..._

Severus' face began to fade into a placid look of self-assurance as the mantra went on. _Yes, he is **my** master. Remember how he held you, Severus? Remember how he trusted you? A being that incapable of love...and he nearly loved you...He would not kill you, you know that. Remember the trust you two shared? Remember the tears you did cry for him?_

The words rang hollow in his mind, however, as he approached a clearing. He centered himself beneath the white moonlight, black hair glistening around his still-terrified face, and stared into the sky. He could almost see the Dark Mark, how it must be shining above the old hideout...triumphant, hailing the rebirth of its creator...the same shade as the light of the _Avada Kedavra_...beautiful and deadly...like its creator.

Severus drew a breath and leaned his head all the way back, shutting his eyes. The pain was seering into his arm like a legion of tiny, fiery whips were striking him. How he'd loved that pain once upon a time...

"I am coming, Master." He opened his eyes, and they now shone with resolution. He allowed a smile to creep over his thin lips. "I shall be at your side once again, my Master."

He tore up his sleeve roughly, revealing a glowing mark. The design of a skull with a snake obscenely slithering out the mouth was revealed, glowing so brilliantly it almost moved. Severus clutched his hand over the mark so tightly he bruised his fair flesh, and leaned his head back again. "Master...I return myself to you."

There was a flash of green light, and the man's lithe silhouette vanished.

His entrance into the old ruin was quite grandoise. He barged in through the doors with his head held high, higher than those who had returned two hours ago. The old gang was all huddled inside the main hall, whispering excitedly behind their white masks and beneath their floating hoods. They all turned immediately upon the entrance, eyes wide and mouths dropping slightly. One Death Eater removed his mask instantly, platinum hair flying out dramatically around his sharp, beautiful face. "Severus?"

Severus held out his arms grandly. "Lucius, old friend!" he greeted him with a genuine (if yellow-toothed) smile. "At last! At long last, we are all reunited!"

Lucius gripped Severus' arms, holding him a few inches away and surveying him. "Severus...you came..." he marveled. "Where have you been?"

"I shall explain it to you in due time, my dear friend," Severus said, although his eyes shone with such eagerness that it became apparent he had to force himself not to converse with the man instantly. For a moment, he only gazed adoringly at Lucius Malfoy, smile not leaving his face. "My dear Lucius," he whispered softly, "of course I returned...Did even you think I would not?"

"I...would have understood your fear," Lucius said. He waved a hand around the room. "We all feared the Dark Lord would punish us severely for abandonning him...and you most of all must have been frightened, given your longstanding position under Dumbledore."

"I am frightened to my core even now," Snape whispered, eyes downcast. "Yes, my loyalty to the Dark Lord has not once wavered, but circumstances forced me into a position that could easily be seen as treacherous by him."

Lucius put a hand on Severus' neck, moving so close their profiles bumped gently, one as fair as light and the other strikingly dark. "It is not too late," he hissed to Severus. "Karkaroff did flee. If you must, then..."

"No," Severus said boldly. He smiled at Lucius. "Thank you, Lucius, but I love the Dark Lord too greatly to leave him now. If he punishes me, I deserve it. I leave my faith in him."

"You are still so brave, dear friend," Lucius said. He glanced around the room, and then gave Severus a light kiss at the corner of his mouth. "I wish you luck, Severus. For old times' sake, let's say?"

Severus seemed to melt beneath the kiss, so touched he looked like a swooning child. "Thank you...dear Lucius..."

Lucius smiled, holding Severus at arms' length. "We shall soon be fighting together once more, I am certain!" he graciously lied. "Come, I will take you to him."

Severus nodded, still smiling warmly and gazing at Lucius. He was led by the shoulder down the narrow, dark halls of the building, until they came to a narrow, heavy door carved of black wood. Lucius raised a hand to knock, but a voice spoke from within before he had the chance.

_"Send him inside alone, Lucius, and then be gone."_

Lucius lowered his hand slowly, and fear rippled through his face. He gave Severus a feigned smile that could not hide his fear, and patted his shoulder goodbye, unable to hide the impression that they would never see one another again. Severus stood before the door, trembling again, and waited a moment before gripping the cold silver doorknob in his hand. It turned and the door creaked open.

The room had not changed after so many years, save for a heavy coating of dust that had settled. Still, a fire burned low in the dark fireplace, casting nothing but shadow over the large figures of furniture. Still, the man sat gripping the arms of his medievil chair (nearly large enough to be a throne) with his long, white hands. Still, the first thing of his that could be seen were his red eyes, glowing like two rubies in the firelight. It was so familiar and so alien at once...almost as if the same memories were occurring in another lifetime...

Severus fell to his knees before he had reached the Dark Lord Voldemort, and he crawled the rest of the way. "Master," he rasped breathlessly. He reached out his arms and gripped the hem of Voldemort's billowing black robes, kissing them. "Master, so long have I dreamed of this day..."

"Your dreams are of no concern to me," Voldemort said shortly. He stood and pulled his robes away, as if Severus might disease them. He circled Severus' prostrated figure with cruelty in his eyes. "It is your life I have interest in. Yes, your cowardly little life."

"Master, I deserve no chance of explaining myself, I know, Master," Severus said, palms clutching the floor, head still bent over the layer of dust. "I only beg...beg you, dear Master...beg your mercy...beg that you hear me before punishing me..."

"Why should I hear you, Severus?" Voldemort waved a hand and Severus recoiled as if he'd been struck. "My most loyal, my most trusted...my precious advisor...whom turned his back on me in favor of my enemy the moment I was defeated!"

Severus cringed at the shouting, back burning where the spell had scatched him. He bore the pain, however, hoping only that he could keep his life.

"Yes, my most loyal--" Voldemort waved his hand again, and this time the spell resonated with a sickening _crack_. "--WHO HAD NOT EVEN THE DECENCY TO RETURN TO ME UPON MY REBIRTH! WHO WAITED, _HOURS_, BEFORE SHOWING HIS COWARDLY FACE! MY DEAR--" He viciously waved his hand again. "--MOST LOYAL--" He struck Severus with a spell once again. "--DEATH EATER, SEVERUS SNAPE!"

Severus cried out in pain, crumbling to his side on the floor. "Master, I deserve it, I know," he said, words understanding but tone pleading for mercy. "I am sorry!"

"Are you! ARE YOU!"

_CRACK!_

"YES!" Severus shrieked. "Master, I beg you! Let me speak!"

Voldemort's eyes were blazing with fury. As Severus stared up at him through a blur of tears, he realized in wonder that Voldemort was as hurt as he was. Not physically, mind you, but...in the recesses of his emotionless eyes...there was a glimmer of pain. Severus frowned up at him in confusion. Had he actually hurt the Dark Lord?

"Why should I trust you?" Voldemort asked, tone low but cold. "I trusted you for years, and the moment I was defeated...the moment I had only my very first defeat...you ran to Dumbledore. And after all these years...you have done nothing but protect my most hated enemy, nothing but _teach_ Harry Potter, and his disgusting group of supporters. Did you once seek vengence for me? Did you once think to look for me, Severus? DID YOU!"

Severus shook his head, bursting into tears. "No, Master. No, I am sorry. I am so sorry, I was so blind...so scared..." He eyed Voldemort and saw him lifting his wand. "Do not hurt me, I beg you!"

"You hurt me, Severus!" Voldemort yelled at him. "All of you! All of you left me in my most dire moment of need! After I avenged you! After I helped all of you miserable misguided children! YOU CALLED ME 'MASTER', SWORE YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOYALTY! ALL OF YOU! AND ALL OF YOU LEFT ME TO A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH WITHOUT THINKING TWICE!"

Severus realized that Voldemort had refrained from punishing the rest of the Death Eaters out of practicality, but was now taking all his anger out on him. It had been building all these years, all this time...and here it was, the Dark Lord's fury...raging down at Severus' lonely, beaten figure...Severus shut his eyes and drew a breath before speaking, certain he would die on this night.

"All of us were fools, Master," he whispered, still writhing in pain on the dirty floor. He shook his head, pain lining his face. "All of us...especially myself...but Master...I never...I _never_ was disloyal to you."

"How can you say that?" Voldemort sneered. "Abandonned me for Dumbledore!"

"I did not..." Severus licked his dry lips and turned to stare up at Voldemort. "All thought you dead. Lucius, Amycus, Greyback...countless others...Not to say I do not deserve to be punished, Master, I do...but none of the others were..."

"None of the others flew to Dumbledore's side."

"I was little more than a child, a young...I was scared, Master!" Severus cried. "I admit it! I was a coward! I feared Azkaban!"

Voldemort looked down at him, but said nothing. Severus took the opportunity to painfully sit up, kneeling again at Voldemort's feet. He made to grab Voldemort's robes, but thought better of it.

"Master...my beloved Master...you know the sort of person I am," he said. "You know the pain I endured all my life! You _know_ that Azkaban would destroy me!"

"Do not tell me what I know, Severus," Voldemort said impatiently.

"I allowed Dumbledore to protect me, yes, I did," Severus confessed. "I was frightened, and the fool pitied me. He pitied me, Master, how could I not take advantage? I used him, Master, nothing more..."

Voldemort paced over to his chair, running a hand over the back of it. "...I saw you serving him...with my own eyes." He looked down at Severus menacingly. "Three years ago, when I returned to Hogwarts, I saw your loyalty to him. I saw how intent you were that I not be revived, how you fought to keep the Sorcerer's Stone safe in Dumbledore's control."

"Master, you blame me for not foreseeing your plan!" Severus exclaimed. "I thought Quirrel was greedy and stupid and wished the power for himself! Yes, I guarded it! I guarded it from _him_!"

Voldemort considered this in silence, although his face was still ungiving. Severus sort of crawled over to him, this time taking hold of his robes briefly. His black hair had fallen in his face, giving him an oddly vulnerable look in the firelight as he gazed up at his Master. A stream of tears fell from his eyes.

"But Master...I...I was not the only one mistrustful then," Severus said. He bowed his head. "...Why...Why did you not reach out to me? You mistrusted me so much...that you relied solely on that fool, that Quirrel...Master..."

"I still mistrust you, Severus," Voldemort said shortly. He took Severus' face in his hand and turned it up towards himself. "Such tears, such genuine remorse...such regret..." He reeled back and slapped Severus across the face, sending him flying to the floor. "It is the same act you gave Dumbledore, isn't it, when you let him protect you! The same tears! The same simpering little act! Nothing more!"

"No, Master!" sobbed Severus, clutching his face. "It is not an act for you! I would never--"

"You would!" Voldemort roared down at him. "You would because you respect no one! Not me, not Dumbledore, no one but yourself! Since you came to me a whimpering little child, you have not changed!"

"Master...you have no reason to believe me...I admit..." Severus got back on his knees, and then crumbled with his face buried in his hands.

"...Before I really hurt you, tell me...if you are so loyal to me," Voldemort said cynically, "why have you never attempted to avenge me?"

"Against Harry Potter? Master, he is...always has been...Dumbledore's most beloved student," Severus said, still trying to rub the sting out of his cheek. "Had I ever even thought of it, he would have sent me to Azkaban, and I ask you...what would be the point of my incarceration? I could neither do you any benefit from there, nor myself..."

"So you let the boy you defeated me run free," Voldemort said ironically, "whilst I suffered alone all these years..."

"Had I killed him, you could not have been revived from his blood," Snape said in a small, almost childish tone. Voldemort looked at him with wide eyes, and Snape cowered. "Not to say I foresaw such fortune!" he said defensively. "But...as it turns out...it was fortunate I never attempted to kill him..."

"True, Severus, true." Voldemort sat down in his throne-like chair. He drew a breath, eyes shutting briefly, and he seemed tired. "Still...I have no reasons not to destroy you. And I must say...after all you've hurt me...destroying you would do me great pleasure..."

"Take me back, Master, I beg you," Severus groveled, hunching over Voldemort's feet. "Punish me. Use the _Cruciatus Curse_. Only...let me live long enough to help you this one last time..."

"How in the world could you help me, Severus?"

Severus lifted his face. "Dumbledore trusts me beyond anyone else," he said slowly, sure to clearly emphasize every word. "He took me back thinking I had learned my lesson. Oh, how he loves to play the Headmaster...how he's loved trying to teach me to be a better man...keep me in place as if I were a disobediant child." He smiled up at Voldemort, sniffling a little. "And I am a disobediant child to him. All these years have I waited...wishing perhaps that you did return...wishing I could use everything I have endured from that stupid old man against him. Wishing...hoping...you would return...and validate my life again, Master."

"So hopeful you were that I would return that you took two hours to greet me."

"I could not take off and throw away Dumbledore's trust," Severus explained. "Master, what use would I be to you without that? Yes, I have sixteen years of information garnered from being Dumbledore's little charity case...but none of it is as useful as my being his most trusted."

"What are you saying, Severus?" Voldemort asked, interested in Snape's ramblings for the first time.

"Would you be merciful enough to spare my life, my dear Master...I would be your spy," Severus offered, bowing his head subserviantly. "I am a part of the Order of the Phoenix. I report to Dumbledore directly. All I learn from him, from the army...I will pass on to you."

"A very tempting offer, Severus, I must say," Voldemort said. "But how do I know I can trust you? How do I know you won't pass _my_ information to Dumbledore?"

"Master, after all these years, even now, even tonight...have I ever given anyone knowledge sacred to you?" Severus pointed out. "I could have brought Dumbledore himself with me tonight. I could have told him where you hide. You know I could have. Did I? No, I did not. I came here, risking my own life, to throw myself at your mercy, to beg you that you take me back into your service. Were I not loyal to you, why would I not run away? Why would I not tell Dumbledore to hide me away? Karkaroff ran. Have I fled? No, I have not. I am here."

Voldemort stared at him, and a hand ran through Severus' hair. "You are here...but I still have trouble believing you," he said quietly. "I cannot afford to make any mistakes, Severus."

"I assure you, Master, it would not be a mistake to trust me," Severus said. "I have watched everyone inside Hogwarts, everyone and everything, for sixteen years. I am Dumbledore's most trusted. You will never have anyone as useful to you as I am right now."

Voldemort's temper had cooled, and he leaned his face on one hand. He stared at Severus for a long moment, and then turned his gaze to the fire. He wanted to believe Severus, that much was apparent, but he was afraid to trust him again.

After a long silence, Severus' uncharacteristically tiny voice spoke up once again. "Master?"

"What is it, Severus?"

"May I...look at you?"

"You are looking at me now, Severus."

"I just...cannot believe you are really here...Please, forgive my foolishness, but..." Severus stood, marks lining his back throbbing again, and reached out cautiously. Voldemort did not stop him, and he leaned over his Master, taking his face in his hands. His skin was as smooth as stone, cold as marble, and certainly real. His eyes bore into Severus', and Severus could see him trying desperately to peer into his mind. He fought this and concentrated only on caressing the Dark Lord's inhuman face, then moving his hands down to his chest, feeling the heartbeat...

"You are certainly alive, Master," Severus whispered, cheek touching Voldemort's cold one. His face broke into a smile and he threw himself over Voldemort. "How I missed you, Master...I cannot believe you have returned to me..."

"I cannot say I have not missed you, Severus," Voldemort said lazily, refusing to touch Severus. "How I missed you all those years as I haunted the forests, bodyless and empty of everything but pain...Yes, how I missed you then..."

"I am so sorry, Master, so deeply regretful of my ignorance," Severus said, burying his face in Voldemort's robes. "You have not punished me nearly enough, have you, Master? Please, hurt me until your heart's content, Master. It is all I can offer you for retribution..."

"Still the desire to be punished," Voldemort commented, slightly amused. He lifted a hand and ran it over Severus' reddened cheek, other hand taking Severus' thin arm in hand. "So many years have passed...yet you are still a child in my eyes...Tell me, Severus--" His grip on Severus' arm tightened. "--how _have_ you served Dumbledore? As thoroughly as you've always served me?"

Severus lay in his arms, too tall to be a child but too comfortable to be quite a man. The flames flickered and crackled, and there they lay together, Master and servant...the ultimate form of intimacy...It felt good, Severus had to admit, to be in his possession again...

Severus turned his face. "Of course not, Master," he said, frowning deeply. "He is not even aware that I ever gave myself wholly to you..."

"Has he never touched you, Severus? Are you not tainted by his 'love'? By his compassion?" Voldemort asked.

"No, Master."

"Has he ever punished you?"

"Certainly," Snape said, a little sheepish. A faint milky rose shade crept into his cheeks. "He refuses to let me teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, for he fears it would rekindle my passion for my 'old ways'."

"Such an idiotic punishment," Voldemort scoffed. "No wonder you do not respect him...How could you? A man such as you, who respects only pain..."

Severus stared at the fire, a bit bothered by this statement. "..."

"Are you certain he has never tainted you?" Voldemort asked again. His hand had slid from Severus' wrist and was possessively creeping along Severus' thigh.

"He has never tainted me, Master, neither my mind nor my body." Severus leaned against Voldemort comfortably, clutching his robes. "All that I am, all that I have ever been...belongs to you."

"Me and Lucius, you mean."

Severus twitched. "...Lucius..." He smiled a bitter smile. "Just as I abandonned you, he abandonned me. Not to say I have suffered even a modicum of what you have, but I was hurt deeply..."

"He married Narcissa Black, had his child Draco...yes, I have heard," Voldemort said. "You have been as alone as I have all these years, Severus?"

"As utterly alone as you, yes." Snape beamed up at him. "But now you are here, Master, and we have each other again. No one shall ever part us again. Never. I swear to you on my life..."

Voldemort raised his index finger warningly. "I have not taken you back just yet, Severus."

"Forgive me, I was only hopeful you will..."

"...Stand up, Severus."

Snape climbed off his lap, heart racing. He knew Voldemort had made his decision, and now he would either taken him back...or kill him. He stood trembling before his Master, eyes still runny, and it was exactly as it had been on the day he'd been recruited into the Death Eaters...

"Mercy, Lord, please," he begged one last time. Tears trickled down his face. "Please..."

"...I welcome you back to my service, Severus."

"Oh Master! Thank you!" Snape fell to his knees, embracing Voldemort's ankles. "I thank you and I swear my loyalty to you once again! My beloved Master!"

Voldemort was smiling faintly. "That will _do_, Severus," he said firmly.

Severus stood, nodding and crying joyfully. "Yes, sir. Yes, sir."

"You shall keep watch on Dumbledore and the Order for me," Voldemort informed him. "You will not desert your post at Hogwarts. All information will be passed directly to me, none other, do you understand?"

Severus bowed his head, hand placed eloquently over his chest. "Yes, Master."

"Should you **ever** fall out of my favor again, I shall be forced to kill you."

"I would deserve to die were that to happen, Master."

"Good boy." Voldemort stood, looking down lovingly at Severus. "Now let me have a taste of you, Severus...it has been years..."

Severus smiled, a bit hesitant, and Voldemort bent into a deep kiss. Severus kissed him back greedily, arms encircling the Dark Lord's neck. It was a kiss more sexual than ever before, and as loveless as his kisses always had been. He truly was tasting him, almost devouring him with his long, snakelike tongue, and nothing more. It was cold, yet pleasurable beyond almost anything else...

"I love you, Master," Severus hissed intently, embracing him strongly. He spoke softly into the Dark Lord's ear, each word nearly kissing the man's cold white flesh. "And I look forward to proving once again to you that I **am** your most loyal."

Many hours later, well past the middle of the night, Severus returned to Hogwarts. Exhausted but smiling vaguely, he headed straight to his room. Much to his surprise, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore was already inside, sitting in the chair by the bed. Severus erased the smile from his lips instantly.

"Severus, thank God," Dumbledore breathed, standing. "All went according to plan?"

Severus nodded. "Yes. The Dark Lord welcomed me back once he realized how very useful to him I can be," he replied, removing his heavy cloak and hanging it on a coatstand. "Once he saw that he can use me for his benefit..."

Dumbledore came over to him and looked him squarely in the eyes. "Did he hurt you, Severus?" he asked gravely.

Severus removed his shirt, revealing a series of angry red lines tracing up and down his back. "Yes," he replied needlessly, "he punished me...although not as severely as I had imagined." He went over to his dresser and removed a dingy-looking grey nightshirt.

"I am so sorry, Severus," Dumbledore said sympathetically. "I hate to see you going through this..."

"It is worth it if the Dark Lord can be defeated," Snape said boredly, unfolding the nightshirt.

"Would you like me to heal those wounds, Severus?"

"No," Snape said quickly. He frowned a little, bowing his head so his hair overshadowed his face. "I...wish not to forget what the Dark Lord is capable of..."

"I see," Dumbledore said, eyes surveying Severus intently. "...Is the pain not unbearable?"

"I can bear it." Severus slipped on the nightshirt.

"Why do you _wish to_ bear it?"

Severus turned to Dumbledore, at a loss. "Professor..."

Dumbledore walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Although his face was kind, Severus could tell he was in for a lecture.

"We always knew this would happen," Dumbledore said, "that he would return. We have spent a good deal of the past years discussing it, planning for it, and yet we've both been fully aware that when the second war did begin...no amount of planning or conversations would be able to control our emotions."

Severus averted his gaze to the floor, feeling like a child.

"Nor can this conversation change anything that may be happening to either of us," Dumbledore said. "All I can tell you is to remember the past sixteen years, Severus. Every time you face Voldemort's cruelty, remember how content you have been here, how safe you've felt ever since you threw yourself upon my mercy. Never have I harmed you, Severus. Never have I forced you to do the reprehensible to prove yourself to me. Perhaps you think this is my weakness. It is not. It would be quite easy and, back when you first came to me after having caused the slaughter of James and Lily, quite pleasing for me to punish you severely. It is a strength to choose forgiveness over punishment, Severus, not a weakness."

"Why are you telling me all this, Professor?" Severus asked sullenly. "Do you no longer trust me?"

"Do you not remember your first day of teaching here, Severus?" Dumbledore asked with a sad smile. "All your tears had been dried, all the charges against you wavered...and that morning, over pumpkin juice, I believe, after I introduced you to the students...you turned to me and asked me why I was doing all this for you. Do you remember?"

Severus' eyes widened, jaw a bit slack. "Pro...fessor..."

"And I said that I would tell you someday when the time was right," Dumbledore told him. "Well...the time is right."

"You...wanted to see me punished?" Severus asked incredulously. "You were so kind, there was...no anger whatsoever in your eyes..."

"I was, admittedly, quite incensed," Dumbledore said cheerfully, patting Severus' shoulder. "Yes, upon seeing Lily and James' dead bodies, I thought you ought to be locked away forever."

"But--"

Dumbledore held up a hand. "Yes, I remember the reasons you gave me for causing their murders," he said, smiling but with scolding eyes. "However, I believe even you are aware that schoolyard torture, horrible as it is, is no reason to have an entire family massacred. James, terrible child though he might have been at times, had left you alone for years as you two went on with your adult lives. Lily had always defended you, and was the one who ultimately convinced James to leave you alone. As for Harry, well, he was a defenseless new life, not yet anything to you, least of all an enemy."

Severus could not argue with any of this, so he shut his mouth. "..."

"Murder is never justified, Severus," Dumbledore said softly. He cleared his throat and went on in a conversational manner. "Yes, so I believed you should be punished. Yet when you came to me in tears, sobbing over the murders you yourself caused and begging my mercy...did I even lay a spell on you?" His hand slipped from Severus' shoulder to his upper back. "Did I beat you? Did I threaten you and curse you? Did I torment you?"

"No, you...you did not," Severus said quietly. He sat down on the edge of his bed, taken aback by all this. "You forgave me...accepted me...forgoing your own desires, your anger..."

"All because I believed that even you deserved a second chance," Dumbledore added. He sat on the bed beside Severus. "I could not bring myself to cut your young life short by sending you away to Azkaban. Stronger than my desire to punish you was my desire to watch you change, watch you become the good man I have always known you could be."

Severus gazed at him wonderingly. "Professor..."

Dumbledore smiled. "And you have fulfilled that desire," he said, "and that, Severus, is more gratifying to me than any punishment that could have been thrown at you."

Severus stared at his hands, eyes watering for some reason. "...Even a murderer," he whispered, "such as me..."

"...deserves kindness," Dumbledore finished. He reached over and took Severus' face in one hand. "I love you much more than as a teacher loves a student, Severus. And at the same time, you remain my most difficult pupil to date. I only hoped...if you have learned anything at all from me...it is appreciation of _love_."

The tears fell once again, these not formed of pain but of something much more profound...Severus bowed his head, wiping his eyes on his sleeve in shame.

"And I pray this love is enough to get you safely through the dark times ahead of us," Dumbledore said grimly. He pulled Severus into a light embrace. "Please look back on tonight when you are most in pain, most impressed...most helpless against your 'Master'...let this conversation strengthen you and give you hope."

"Y...es..." Snape sniffled. "I...will, sir."

"And take comfort in the fact that you are, Severus, my most trusted."

Severus sat up, looking at him seriously. "And I am, Professor Dumbledore, your most loyal."

Dumbledore nodded, placing a hand at the back of Snape's head. "I have never once doubted that, Severus. I never shall doubt it, either."

Severus nodded, unable to speak. Dumbledore pulled out of the embrace and smiled warmly at Severus.

"Shall you be all right?"

"Yes, sir," Snape said, exhaling in an attempt to calm himself. "It has been...quite a night, is all. I am quite...weak..."

"You are quite _human_, Severus, not weak," Dumbledore corrected him. He stood. "As am I...it has been...quite a day, indeed."

Severus nodded in agreement.

"Are you certain you do not want those wounds healed?"

Severus shook his head.

"Is there anything you require?"

"No, sir."

"Join me in a small drink, Severus?"

"No...thank you..."

"All right, then, I must be getting to sleep, troublesome as my sleep tonight is going to be," Dumbledore said. "Do take care of yourself, Severus. We must all rest as much as we can...while we are still able to."

"Yes, sir."

Dumbledore gave him a very small kiss on the forehead and then left. Severus climbed into bed, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. Two masters, each so different...and loyalty to only one of them...

_Such trust from them both,_ Severus marveled. _I almost wished I could serve them both equally...impossible as it is... _

_But I cannot. I shall be forced to hurt one. One of my lives...shall be a complete lie. One of my loyalties is feigned. And I am sacrificing everything...everything for my one true master... _

_I wonder... _

_I wonder what will ultimately be the cost...of my treachery..._

Severus frowned worriedly into the darkness as he began to feel the exhaustion overcoming him.

_Why must I...always be punished...Whether I am right or wrong will not matter, I shall be punished anyway. It is always that way...I wonder...why? Do I...deserve such chastisement? It seems my entire life has been spent that way...is it even my fault? Am I to blame? Was James...right? Am I really just a loathesome little creature...unworthy of anything..._

Severus exhaled and turned onto his side.

_No matter. I shall take my punishments as they come...like I always have. If I can help my true master...the ones I truly love...it will be worth it. It always has been worth the pain. In fact, I cannot even imagine living without the pain...how else could I tell that I'm alive? _

_How else could I tell...that I am 'human', as Dumbledore said...unless I suffer for my beloved?_

** Fin**


End file.
